Just now I’ve read about the story of my friend. It’s titled Purple and Red. It’s about a battered girl who remained silent about what she’s going through. It somehow angers me everytime I read articles or stories about these happenings. Why don’t they fight for their lives? Why don’t they tell their families or friends about it? Why don’t they file a case against their partner? Why don’t they just simply leave the relationship? It’s just simple…walk out and never look back. Or so I thought.
It has been my number one rule in entering a relationship: Never let your partner hurt you no matter how light that slap or punch that is. Once I was hurt, there’s not turning back. I just leave. I’ve been through a lot of relationships before and never did any of my previous partners hit me. They all know my rule.
There was this couple I know. At first they were happy. They were able to show everyone that they care about each other. They were able to overcome all the trials they faced. Until one day, the guy saw the girl having a conversation with an old guy friend. When the guy approached them, he’s all smile. He even joined the conversation. When they arrived home and were already inside their room, the guy changed mood suddenly. He shouted at the girl and slapped her. The girl was shocked with what happened. In that instant, everything’s changed. The girl was prohibited to go out alone nor talk to all guys. She’s not allowed to wear mini skirts or shorts or sleeveless blouse. She can’t wear make ups, not even lip gloss. Everything she does, her partner needs to know. Everywhere she goes, her partner needs to be informed. One little mistake she commits, she’s all blacks and blues. She’s even allowed the littlest time to spend with her family and friends. Whenever the couple is out in the public, the girl is humiliated by the guy by shouting at her and calling her inappropriate names. She was called bitch, whore, stupid. Numbness ate her and no more tears are coming out of her eyes whenever she cries.
The girl changed instantly. She became aloof and scared. She’s also become like a robot waiting for the guy’s command. Now, everytime after the guy hurts the girl, he always (and I mean always) realizes what he’s done and like a cold water splashed onto him, he became the sweetest guy ever again. He wooes the girl and apologizes to her. He makes the grandest effort to be forgiven.
One day, while doing the usual chores, she accidentally dropped a glass and broke it. This caused the guy to burst out again. She was slapped and punched and was called stupid and dumb. Things were thrown to her. She’s had enough, so she packed her things and tried to walk out, but failed to do so. The guy was quick enough to follow her in the room. Again, with all his charm and magic, he tried to say sorry. The girl didn’t want to forgive and forget this time so she still tries to walk away. The guy didn’t let her do so and began to beg for another chance. The girl was strong enough not to show pity and this time is decided to go. Having exhausted all his charm, the guy became mad again. This time, even worse. He choked the girl and threatened the girl that if she left him, he’d kill her first then himself. Naturally, fearing for her life, she gave in to the guy.
Those were not the only things done to the girl. The guy, a lot of times, threatened the girl with a knife, moreso, with a gun pointed at her. Those were not the only threats given to her. The guy even told the girl that if ever she leaves him, he’d kill all her family and hurt her friends.
The girl didn’t know what to do. She really wants to get out of the relationship but so scared of what will happen to her family and friends. She doesn’t love the guy but only fears for her life.
The guy even got all her logins and passwords in her social networking accounts. He checks on her cellphone randomly, from text messages to logs to photos and different activities. She has nowhere to hide. Whenever a friend calls her, she needs to put the call on speaker so that he’ll be able to hear wahtever they’ll be talking about.
The girl is so stuck in this relationship until the guy himself asks for a breakup. She can’t do anything she wants unless known by the guy. She’s like a prisoner without being in jail, hoping and praying for the time she’s finally free.
A lot of people is asking why she let him do that to her and why she didn’t do anything to stop it in the early phase of the relationship. The girl is intelligent enough to know the law. She even researched about the R.A. 9262 law. She even got all the information about NGOs and women’s rights advocate groups. She’s even smart enought to write a journal about what’s happening to her. But why then she’s still trapped in that relationship?
A lot of factors are still to be considered when you’re in this kind of a relationship. I’ve read articles about this and battery is not just for wives, they can be girlfriends and live-in partners as well. It’s not just done physically, one can also be psychologically battered. Battered Woman Syndrome, or BWS, follows a certain cycle, which is hard to get out of.
So, what really is in the mind of a battered woman? Let me tell you. The first time it happened, I never wanted to be with him ever again (and yes, he’ll do everything to woo you again). But trust was already broken. And since I fear for my family’s life (I don’t fear for my life since I strongly believe he’ll not kill me, though he threatened to kill me a lot of times), I really can’t get out of the relationship. I was called a lot of things. I felt I am the lowest form of human being. My work was affected (really affected). He isolated me from everyone. He has his way of making me do things his way and still tend to show everyone that he’s a different person. At first, I was afraid that no one would believe me, that they’d think of me as just making stories. I kept everything to myself. I only had my notebook as my friend. It knows everything that’s done and said to me.
A big thorn was pulled out of my heart when I decided to tell my friends about what happened to me. They were all supportive. I guess one step at a time. At least now, I have some people I can share whatever’s done to me. And yes, I prayed different novenas to ask for him to break up with me. Hopefully one day, I’d be free, free from this invisible prison.